Red Flags of an Abusive Relationship


  • Wants to be with you constantly.
  • Accuses you of cheating all the time.
  • Follows you around or frequently calls during the day.
  • Odd behaviors like checking your car mileage or asking friends to check in on you.

Controlling Behavior

  • Pretends to be concerned for your safety or your productive use of time.
  • Acts like you do not have the ability to make good decisions.
  • Becomes extremely angry when late.
  • Constantly questions who you spend your time with, what you did/wore/said & where you went.
  • Makes you ask permission to do certain things.

Quick Involvement

  • Six months or less before living together/engaged.
  • Claims of love at first sight.
  • Says you are the only one who can make her/him feel this way.
  • Pressure for commitment.

Unrealistic Expectations

  • Compliments you in a way that makes you seem superhuman.
  • Very dependent for all needs.
  • Expects you to be perfect.
  • Says things like: I am all you need, and/or you are all I need.


  • Tries to cut off all your resources.
  • Puts down everyone you know.
  • Friends are either stupid, slutty, or you are cheating with them.
  • Family is too controlling, don’t really love you, or you are too dependent on them.
  • Refuse to let you use car or talk on the phone.
  • Makes it difficult for you to go to school or work.

Blames Others for Problems

  • If there are problems at school or work, it is always someone else’s fault.
  • You’re at fault for everything that goes wrong in the relationship.

Blames Others for Feelings

  • Makes you responsible for how they feel:
    • You made me mad.
    • You’re hurting me by not doing what I ask.
    • I can’t help being angry.
    • You make me happy.
    • You control how I feel.

Disrespectful or Cruel to Others

  • Easily insulted.
  • Sees everything as personal attacks.
  • Has a tantrum about the injustice of things that happen to them.
  • Totally goes off about small irritations.
  • Looks for fights.
  • Blows things out of proportion.

Playful Use of Force During Sex

  • Little concern over whether you want sex or not; and uses sulking or anger to manipulate you into compliance.
  • Makes sexual or degrading jokes about you.

Rigid Sex Roles

  • Believes women are inferior to men.
  • Unable to be a whole person without a relationship.

Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde

  • Sudden mood changes–like they have two different personalities.
  • One minute nice/next minute exploding.
  • One minute happy/next minute sad.

Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde

  • You may hear the person was abusive to someone else they were in a relationship with.
  • They may deny previous abusive behavior by saying: it is a lie, their ex is crazy, and/or it wasn’t that bad.

Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde

  • Used as punishment.
  • Breaks cherished possessions.
  • May beat on tables with fist.
  • Throws objects at/around/or near you.

Any Force during an Argument

  • Physically restrains you from leaving the room.
  • Pushes or shoves you.

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